yes, about 7 or 8 more hours to the start of a new school year, a new school term. still not anxious about not finishing my homework, about, in fact, barely touching it.
one gets tired of getting worried about these silly things as time passes i suppose. fears about what teachers will do, can do, will say, can say, will think, fades.
i find that you're only accountable to yourself. in the end, it's your future you hurt. not teachers, not parents. you.
and so i will rest some more, and start work when i've awaken to my senses by the teachers' scoldings tomorrow. i think... i'm ready to work again. or maybe i think i'm ready to work because i don't actually have to, am not actually working, now.
pretty blank these days. the void is getting bad to worse. i wonder if i will be as blank about A levels. it scares me. it's so fast. and i'm so unprepared, so unmotivated, by almost all things.
everything seems tedious. except when i'm with my friends, my primary sch, rg friends, the squashers. i feel... alone, isolated in aj most of the time. the interactions are not stimulating, empty conversations, empty words. rarely, i feel, can i find someone to really talk to. i just don't fit in i suppose. or maybe i'm missing rg life too much to try to fit. and there's so little time to adjust, so little time to really get to know new people to be as close to them as i was with primary school / rg friends.
i don't think jc has been a very enriching experience. guess i need to get out more, put in more effort, try new things. it's my duty to make life interesting for me after all. lol.
new year resolution:
-stop whining
-start doing
-train hard
-sleep less
-eat less
-pass all the tests/ exams (at least E/ D)
-do my work consistently and less last-minute
-be more enthu
